Mmm, tastes like hipocrisy

There's a dichotomy between what I do Monday-Friday and what I do on Sunday.

This weekend I celebrated my five-year high school class reunion in my hometown. It was a weekend of drinking and fun with friends. I cussed like a trucker and did things that I wasn't necessarily proud of...but oh was it fun!!

Then today my family all came up to see me get confirmed as an Episcopalian. I talked with them about my plans to start helping teach Sunday school and how I'm involved in altar guild.

I took my vows to repent and do right actions (as I do every Sunday during Holy Communion) and then I just felt guilt because it seems like the second I leave that building I'm back to being the crazy 23-year-old everyone expects me to be, even though I peruse spiritual books and attend bible/religious studies.

And then I'm a middle school teacher and I have to be the epitome of Perfection, and completely countered to what kids see and hear everywhere else in the world. I've tried very hard to be less liberal, less brash, and less of "myself" - that is, the Monday-Saturday self.

I feel sort of like I'm a chameleon that changes with my surroundings, and I suppose that's okay, but then I have all these versions of myself that I want to be...it basically boils down to wanting to be loved and accepted. Who am I?